


Fallen planned this from the Beginning, so it's no Revenge

by mydarksidelovesthis



Series: I don't like to call it Transformers Abridged, but that's basically what it is [2]
Category: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) - Fandom
Genre: Abridged, Action, Bumblebee is bad with words, Decepticons have a weird sense of humor, Funny, Gen, Humans are not intelligent, Humor, Parody, Science Fiction, not evil just misunderstood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28189857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydarksidelovesthis/pseuds/mydarksidelovesthis
Summary: By his clumsiness Sam has destroyed the only record of all knowledge of the Cybertronic species. Really, can you blame him? Optimus, have you ever heard of a security backup? Anyway, Bumblebee only seems to stay around Sam to keep him from talking to Decepticons again. They lie all the time and they tell the untruth and stuff. But as he soon finds out, the worst thing about them is their sense of humor. That is supposed to be funny, Alice?Merciless rip-off of Revenge of the Fallen.
Relationships: Sam Witwicky & Bumblebee (Transformers), Sam Witwicky / Mikaela Banes
Series: I don't like to call it Transformers Abridged, but that's basically what it is [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2023034
Comments: 5
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Fallen hat das von Anfang an geplant, also ist es keine Rache](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28189161) by [mydarksidelovesthis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydarksidelovesthis/pseuds/mydarksidelovesthis). 



With one hand Sam held up the hood of Bumblebee, his car, which was actually a member of a hyper-intelligent alien robot species, but had chosen to live with him - a human, a member of a species that, according to their understanding, had not even developed intelligence. In the other hand he was holding a book about how cars work, because although they weren't from Earth, they had surprisingly much in common with ordinary vehicles in their camouflage form, and Sam tried to learn all sorts of things about them.

"Why do you even bother with an underdeveloped life form like me," he asked in the direction of the engine, although he didn't expect an answer. Because somehow Bee had forgotten that his voice processor was no longer damaged.

Instead, some kind of techno song was playing from the radio. Sam tried hard to concentrate on the lyrics, while the hood in his left hand seemed to get heavier and heavier.

"Um, that sounds like 'oy oy oy, oh my god'?"

The radio switched the channel. Sam heard, "You've got the touch, you've got the poooweeer!"

The hood he pressed his arm against with all might disproved the last sentence. "You're being sarcastic, aren't you?"

The radio switched channels again. "Autobots are watching over you, ready to die for what we love."

"I guess you're right. I'm too stupid to understand the allusion." Sam gasped under the strain of keeping the hood up. "I don't know what you're trying to tell me, but it sounds kind of gay."

That's when Sam's mother came into the garage with a plate of sandwiches, thickly buttered with ordinary butter, peanut butter and hazelnut spread. "For my two heroes," she whispered and put the plate down on the tool shed.

"Mom." The hood got so heavy that Sam had to let it fall shut. "You shouldn't spoil him like that. He eats too much already. Look how fat he's already gotten."

"But you always wanted to have a fat car."

Bumblebee transformed and gave Judy a round of applause for that and a thumbs up. She said goodbye with a kiss in Bees' direction.

The Transformer settled down on the old sofa they had put in the garage especially for him, which was already bending almost to the floor. From there he reached for a sandwich while Sam turned on the TV.

"This is the last time. You shouldn't watch so much TV, it just makes you stupid. You could sink to my intelligence level. And stop eating so much unhealthy food."

Sam ripped the sandwich out of Bee's servo and tosses it aside before he sat down next to his friend and protector. Bumblebee bleeped uncomprehendingly.

They were watching the news before the motion picture. They were reporting on the shooting of the first Transformers movie, which had just started. "Shouldn't you be in it?"

Bumblebee laughed.

Meanwhile, on the set at the Transformers movie, one of the human employees stepped up to Barricade. "Bumblebee has called in sick. We need to replace him with a computer animation."

Barricade ranting, "And I'm supposed to fight with air now, or what? He's probably sitting at home eating fast food and not getting the exhaust off the sofa."

Barricade moaned and waved in front of the camera, but his resentment made him appear surprisingly credible. In the picture, he looked scary.

Soundwave, who was in Earth's orbit, enjoyed the privilege of silence. He had taken the form of a satellite. Slowly, he was approaching a human ade one. He extended tentacles that gently wound around the satellite, looking for any small opening where they could crawl in and make connections with the delicate electronics underneath.

"Hey, that's between me and the satellite, you perverts."

At the end of the day of shooting, the frustrated Barricade opened a direct communication channel to Soundwave, who, as deputy to the deputy, was now in charge since the other two were no longer available.

Soundwave listened to Barricade's whining for a while. "After we agreed to pay for the damage to Mission City because Optimus is completely broke, the people informed me that they do not accept our Shanix. They pay well for our participation in the movie, so stop whining and stand through it like a Decepticon. That's an order."

"The movie is pure Autobot propaganda," Barricade upbraided. "Why are we being portrayed as bad guys? They even call themselves autonomous."

"Because simple minds have difficulty understanding complex characters." Soundwave sighed. "What would it look like if we were the heroes with a huge army to attack the five little Autobots? That's not understandable to humans. Optimus at least looks like he's a role model."

"I can't believe Megatron would've wanted this."

Since he was somewhat placated, Soundwave ended the conversation and opened another channel of communication "Hello, human." He thought he heard a startled gasp of air at the other end. "I thought I ask how the shoot is going. Besides, I have a suggestion."

"Have we done enough advertising, product placement and said enough brand names?"

Ah, commercials, good idea, that would bring in more revenue. "Just paint Optimus in the colors of that sugar water, then it is fine. The one with the Santa Claus in the commercial."

"You mean Pepsi?"

Soundwave paused when he saw the association "Nevermind then." He changed the subject. "I don't agree with the music. It has to sound really evil when we're seen, so the humans know we're evil, otherwise they won't notice. Humans are slow to understand. Wait, I'll send you some examples."

Sam was happy when Mikaela came to visit. She was so much more real than the women in the magazines of his treasure chest, much better. He thought maybe he could dispose the magazines. - No, of course not.

Mikaela's hot, sweaty skin pressed tightly against him. She felt so good and stroked his lanky chicken breast. Then she suddenly turned around and came back with her smartphone. "Let's take a selfie," she suggested.

Sam thought it was a bit odd, but all right, if that was what she wanted. He would do anything for that woman. Really. Except getting rid of his magazines.

She lifted the phone high above her. "Can you please put your arm over the blanket? And then flex it really hard so your muscles are visible." She pressed the button and checked the photo. "No, this doesn't work."

She lifted the smartphone back up. "Better put the blanket over your arm. Let's just drape it a bit." Now at least the photo made it look like Sam was hiding a powerful bicep under the covers. He didn't know what to think, but when Mikaela thanked him with a kiss on his cheek, he didn't care anyway.

She pressed a few more buttons, then she put the device away and turned back to him.

It had been two weeks. Two long weeks since Sam had found a shard of the Allspark in his sweater he had worn in Mission City, which had burned a hole in the ground and brought half the kitchen to life with its radiation. Two endlessly long weeks.

Sam just came into the kitchen to get some dinner and opened the refrigerator. But the milk had disappeared.

"Where's the ..." he was about to ask when he heard a laugh from across the kitchen. The blender was pouring the milk into the blender jug, while the toaster was throwing oranges, complete with peel, into it in a high arch. While he laughed insanely, the blender turned on the blades, but without closing the lid, so that milk and pieces of fruit splashed through the kitchen.

"What the fuck is this now?" Sam yanked the milk out of the blender's hand, who with a disappointed sound turned off the motor. "You're gonna clean that up, you hear me?"

The blender reached behind him, muttering something in Cybertronic - or maybe it was meaningless machine noises, Sam couldn't tell - and with a bow poured milk shake from his head into a glass he handed to Sam.

Disgusted, Sam looked at the coarse pieces of orange peel that were floating inside. "No, thanks, and you're still cleaning it up." Disappointed machine sounds.

The smell of burnt bread rose to his nose and he found the waffle iron in the bread box. A wisp of smoke rose from the toast. "No, what are you doing? Are you stupid? Stop it now."

The waffle iron spat the black bread at him, but Sam was prepared and blocked the attacks with a plate.

When the TV and the stereo in the living room turned on with a deafening noise, so that Sam's parents in the garden turned to the house, he was fed up.

Sam kicked aside the router, which was in his way on the way to the front door, and yelled in the direction of the garage: "Bee!"

The yellow Camaro shot out of his shelter, transformed with a cool somersault in the garden and put his upper body through the door with his visor down and his gun extended.

Immediately the kitchen appliances stormed off in all directions and hid. The router, which hadn't gotten up in time after Sam's kick, muttered something that sounded like an apology before moving backwards along the wall.

"I can't take this anymore," Sam complained and stepped out into the garden, while Bumblebee making room for him.

"But Sam, where else can they go?" Judy defended them. "They're only two weeks old and don't know our human manners yet."

"I'll be off to college before they learn them."

Bumblebee took that as his cue. He transformed part of his face plates into oversized glasses and opened his gun wide as if it were a book. And he played a song from a musical. "Aristotle, Empedocles, Aeneas, Parmenides. And Nicomachus, Diogenes, Antiochus, Maimonides! ..."

"I'm not taking you to college."

The music stopped, and Bee bleeped in wonder.

"What did you expect?" Sam shrugged. "Somehow I have to work up the difference in intelligence between us."

Towards evening Optimus also stopped by Sam's place. Good idea. Sam hadn't had a chance to say anything important to him before their last goodbye.

The boy came to him on the hill, from where they could watch the sunset. How romantic.

"Optimus, with all due respect. You know that was a crazy idea, shooting all your records into space without making a backup? And then trusting me with it?"

The leader of the Autobots knelt down to speak to Sam on eye level. "The Allspark was insured. From the data hold by Intersurance Inc. it can be fully replicated in case it is destroyed by an extra-cybertronic species or natural disaster."

"And why don't they do that?"

"Turns out they interpret the event as destruction by Megatron's spark, a member of our species. Which is not covered by insurance."

Sam grabbed his head. Oh, great. Well, that was it, then.

"Also, in case they come looking for you." Optimus blinked slowly, carrying meaning. "Do not talk to Decepticons."

"Oh, because underdeveloped brains are incapable of integrating the information from both sides? How about a little more trust in me, Optimus?"

"I trust you, Sam." Optimus rose up and looked into the distance. "But I do not trust them."


	2. Chapter 2

Only a few days later the waffle iron sneaked out secretly when it received a message. The cute little waffle iron, which no one thought could do any harm, stole Sam's Allspark shard and ran to the Decepticons, where it presented it to a minicon named Scalpel.

Scalpel took advantage of his importance and let a group of Decepticons chauffeur him to the junkyard like a boss.

At this junkyard the lifeless body of Megatron was waiting. Since machines were not living beings to humans, Megatron had not even been given a worthy grave. What underdeveloped creatures.

Scalpel examined the damage to the dead leader. "I need spare parts." Then he signaled the group. "Kill the little one."

The Cons scrapped one of their own. Scalpel took a single small bolt from this one and put it into Megatron. Then he rammed the Allspark shard into his chest, where the Energon brought the Decepticon leader back to life.

At that point, Megatron would wonder about an itchy sting for several days.

On one of Saturn's moons, in an old spaceship that had been parked there for eons, Starscream lay on the bearing of a quarter that he now called his own. He had chosen the largest and most beautiful one, as befitted someone with his status - above the bearing the glass dome gave a view of a section of Saturn and currently two more moons.

"Then I found the Allspark and melted a hole in Megatron's chest with my cannon," he proudly told the three fembots who had made themselves comfortable with him on his bearing. A blue one he held in his arms, a red-grey one stroked his belly plate and a green-black one laid comfortably behind his helmet and whispered compliments into his ear: "You are so brave and strong. What happened then?" That was a good way to live.

Just when Starscream was about to continue with his story, he heard someone smashing the door of the spaceship and stomping loudly through the ship despite the low gravity. This force, this aggression ... could it be?

"Leave now," he ordered, pushing the femme in his arm off the bearing and the one on his belly plate aside and jumped to the ground. "Over there." He pointed to the door of an adjoining storeroom.

Not a second too soon, for Megatron was already smashing the metal door, which now hung in two halves in its tracks, sobbing softly. How had he been resurrected? Had he also become an audience's favorite like Prime? How inconvenient. That made him virtually immortal.

"Starscream, you surprise me. I expected to find you preparing for your coronation ceremony. As you do every time I take a scratch."

Starscream was checking the damage to the door. "I just wanted to help spawning our new army," he explained truthfully.

Megatron had stopped in the middle of the room and pointed to the rumpled bearing. "Indeed. Looks to me like you've been having an orgy here."

"I couldn't sleep at night, and I tossed and turned worrying about you."

Just as Starscream was tentatively putting the door together, a pair of red optics looked at him through the crack. "Hi," breathed the Fembot in an erotic voice. "Not now!" hissed Starscream. "I'll call you later." Hurriedly, he pushed the two halves of the door into place.

"Who was that?" Megatron asked.

"She wanted to deliver your mail, which had accumulated in your absence, but the amount of data would overload our capacities and the hard drive was too heavy to carry."

Megatron grumbled, "what do they all want from me," but fortunately, he forgot his anger about Starscream and went to take care of his mail.

In fact, his mailbox was overflowing, mostly with messages from his mother, who was worried after she hadn't heard from him for a nanoklik. After a breem, she was beside frantic. After a groon, she threatened to report him missing to the Galactic Police. Then his auto-responder had started replying with generic answers to avoid a catastrophe. Like Megatron not receiving his pocket money anymore, that would have been bad.

But there was a message among them that upset him: He had received a bill for the death of Jazz, for the killing of a member of an endangered race. He cursed to himself: "That was self-defense. Should I now allow all Autobots to shoot at me just because they are so small? Oh, I walk around all day with a shield so they can use me as a target. Let's move the war to the paintball arena so I can at least shoot back. Tz, the young machines have no respect for their enemies anymore."

Grumbling, he paid the bill.

Finally, while he was there, Megatron took the opportunity to pay a visit to his old master.

"Fallen", he addressed him and remembered that he was formerly called Megatronus - his namesake. "Can people remember 'Fallen' better than Megatronus?"

"One must make a name for oneself, my student. I already have an idea how." Fallen laid lazy in his armchair - he hadn't gotten out of it since his fall. "With my machine. It's on Earth. Somewhere." That was all well and good, but it was not accurate, as Megatron carefully pointed out. "It is not my fault. In those days, there was only one continent to place it on."

Megatron nodded sympathetically. Then they would just have to ask someone who knew.

The first days in college were not bad, but sometimes Sam would get headaches and then he would see strange symbols flying through his field of vision that his brain was too underdeveloped to understand.

No, that was math. That was Arabic and Greek. That was the astronomy lecture.

But he also saw Cybertronic where it didn't belong.

While the professor wrote more mysterious signs on the blackboard, Sam saw Cybertronic symbols floating next to him, at the height of his butt. Sam giggled. He bet it said "Kick Me" or "Ass" or something in Cybertronic.

The professor drove around and looked directly at Sam. "What's so funny?"

"Um ..." Sam didn't return mentally fast enough to return something witty.

"This is the third time this week you've interrupted my lecture."

Sam glanced at his desk in a contrite way. "Yes, sir."

"And it's only Monday."

"I know, sir.

The professor held out the chalk to him. "Then come forward and tell us all what's so funny so we can have a good laugh, too."

Sam tried to give the professor a heart attack with a look, but of course he couldn't. He stood up and slowly walked forward. Okay Sam, you have ten seconds to think of something funny. Something original. Something that won't make you a laughingstock, something that's entertaining but also understandable so he'll let you go quickly. Come on, think.

But when he reached for the chalk, his brain went blank. Nothing, absolutely nothing was in it. Except the shameful admission that the Autobots were right in their assessment.

When he regained consciousness, he was covered all over with chalk dust, the blackboard written with Cybertronic symbols. Since there hadn't been enough room on the blackboard for all the information, he had continued writing on the walls and floor.

Astonished, Sam looked around the room and tried to comprehend the new situation. What had happened? He had also painted around on the tables in the front rows and even on some of the students.

But the professor, formerly angry and arrogant, sat on Sam's table with tears in his eyes.

"Good job Witwicky. That was the best presentation I have heard in a long time, very impressive. Grade B."

Sam left the lecture, still suffering from headaches, so he decided to skip the next course today to get some rest.

He entered his room in the dormitory. But although his walls were covered with posters from the previous tenant, they suddenly seemed so empty. In addition, new, different symbols buzzed around in his head. Perhaps they would leave him alone when he wrote them all down. So he took a sharpie and began painting his walls with Cybertronic symbols.

Only the knocking at the door tore him out of his thoughts again and he wondered when he had painted all the walls that were now covered over and over.

With painted fingers he opened the door a bit so that the visitor did not see the chaos and started to think Sam was crazy. Which would be a correct assessment.

"What's up?"

In front of him stood a young girl in a light blue dress. Alice, who sometimes sat in the same lecture with him. Who acted even stranger than he did.

"Hi, Sam. Do you want to fuck? Right now?"

That was what he meant.

"No, get out of here."

He wanted to slam the door, but with an almost superhuman ease she stopped the door and threw it and Sam into the room.

In the door she stopped in amazement as she let her gaze wander over the symbols in Sam's room. "Of all the boys I know, you are among the strangest 1.3 percent." Yeah, that was exactly what he meant.

She entered the room and slammed the door behind her. "I think that's hot."

Sam backed away, "Would you stop that? You're acting like an alien pretending to be a human being."

Alice paused, slightly confused by his words. "We were educated at the Pretender School with graphical material from Earth. I am the best in the class."

So she was! He rubbed his face. He should have guessed. "With graphical material from the Internet, I suppose. What are you, a Decepticon?"

She grimaced insulted. "I'm just a normal colleague girl. The others are all such prudes." He bet she had to forge a lot of documents to get into the dorm.

"Okay, so what do you want. The symbols in my head, right? Here they are, you can have them all, take them all with you." He started tearing the posters with the symbols off the wall, roughly knocking them together and collecting them in his left arm, not caring if he crumpled them up. "And this one. And this is what you want, too, I'm sure."

When his arm was overflowing with posters, so that a pile slipped out and fell to the floor, he turned to Alice and threw them at her. In a helpless gesture, she spread her arms to accept the posters, much of which also fell to the floor. "Here, here you have them." He tore more posters from the walls and stepped on those that were on the floor. "Is that good enough for you? Shall I wrap them up nicely for you and put a bow on them? Filled and catalogued neatly? Do you use FedEx or should I fax them to you, huh?"

"Sam, calm down."

He did calm down. He realized that she was just standing there calmly and endured his freak-out instead of attacking him and he started to feel ridiculous.

Alice seized the moment and found a pen and a notepad in the mess on the desk, which she handed him. "Do you see anything more? We just need the symbols in your head. Write them all down for us, and we'll leave you alone."

Sam tore the paper from her hand and the symbols started dancing through his field of vision again. Half in a frenzy, he scribbled the paper full of Cybertronic symbols he didn't even understand. What the hell was that thing he was writing, a blueprint for a weapon? Didn't they have enough weapons? But the more he wrote, the more symbols disappeared from his field of vision, as he realized with relief, so he scribbled another page full before handing the notepad to Alice.

"What does it say there anyway?"

Alice turned to the first page and laughed. "It's an old Cybertronic joke."  
"  
"Let's hear it."

"It's Decepticon humor, it doesn't translate."

Sam's heart rate was climbing. His face turned red. He crossed his arms, unfolded them again, ripped the notepad from her and started a long complaint. "So if you expect me to write all this down and you don't even ..."

"It's okay." She grabbed the notepad back and pointed to the first page. "Romeo and Juliet. Of course they have Cybertronic names, but you can't translate them. Romeo and Juliet comes closest. Romeo finds Juliet's motionless body in the junkyard and decides to take his own life. But just as he opens his breastplate and initiates the self-destruction sequence, Juliet suddenly awakens, grabs his hand and says, 'Stop it. No one kills you but me.'" Alice laughed again.

Sam was beside himself. "That's supposed to be funny? You're all sick."

"It plays on the double meaning in our colloquial language," she explained, slightly offended. "Of course, when I explain it, it's not funny anymore." She flipped to the second page and laughed again. "What else do you see? The password to Soundwave's unreleased music collection?"

When suddenly the door behind them opened, he and Alice were sitting at his desk, looking at the symbols that Sam literally poured onto the paper. Sam turned around to tell the visitor to LEAVE, but to his surprise Mikaela was standing there. What was she doing here? He was sure she wanted to make him happy with a spontaneous visit, but it was just the wrong moment.

"Wait," said Sam and jumped up from his seat. "It's not what it looks like."

"Oh, of course you're not doing homework together here." Mikaela was angry.

"No, look!" Sam tore the notepad from the table to show it to Mikaela, but she had already slammed the door angrily and he heard her stomping footsteps disappear down the hall.

Sam jumped up and ran after her, leaving Alice carelessly behind. He caught up with Mikaela in the hallway. "Wait." But she just kept stomping, pretending he didn't exist. She left the house. "She is not of this world."

"Oh, so that's how you see her."

"No, that's not how I meant it!"

Mikaela stomped on, down the path to the road. There she got into a car, in the driver's seat. An ordinary car. Her car?

Sam took the passenger seat without being asked. "Why are you so angry?"

Mikaela pursed her lips together before she hit the car. "Homework is just a trick to hit on you, how can you not see through it?"

"But ... she's a Decepticon."

Mikaela shook her head uncomprehendingly. "Why are you doing homework with a Decepticon? Didn't Optimus tell you not to talk to them?"

At that moment, a grappling hook crashed through the roof, flipped out and the car was lifted high into the air. Sam and Mikaela screamed in surprise.

The houses of the city moved underneath them and despite the rocking, the two calmed down a little.

"Um, I guess there are more of them who want to do homework with me." Just managed Sam to say before they were literally dropped and crashed through the roof of a warehouse.

They found themselves on the upper level in the warehouse. Megatron raised his head into their field of vision with a creepy smile. "Surprise."

"I, I was cooperating," Sam stammered. "I wrote down the symbols for Alice. What more do you want?"

Megatron stood before him, menacingly. His mighty body dominated the hall. "You would not be able to write down all the knowledge of the Allspark in your short lifetime. Come here, boy."

"You want me to ..." Sam preferred to stay in the deceptive safety of the car and turned to his girlfriend for help.

"I'm afraid your girlfriend must watch as I do horrible things to your fragile body."

Mikaela shrugged her shoulders. "I just broke up with him. Do what you want with him."

"Mikaela!

She crossed her arms and gave him the silence treatment.

Okay, if that's what she wanted. Sam got out. His legs were shaking with fear, every step down the stairs was hard for him.

"Hurry before you die of old age, boy."

Sam reached the bottom of the stairs. From a corner came a little Con crawling, which Sam instinctively recoiled from. It was as big as a cat and ran like an insect with its six legs.

The Minicon crawled up to Sam, who recoiled from the cold, prickly touch, crawled on his shoulder and looked into the boy's ear and eyes before turning to Megatron: "We have to examine his brain on the table."

"Only if you make a backup copy first, Scalpel. I'm not Optimus."

The Minicon went into a rage. "But, Megatron, that's not possible with humans."

"You already broke the last three ones." Megatron pointed to a corner. There were two men with their heads cut open, their brains next to them. The third man stood in front of them in a blue suit with a red tie. "I'm building a wall to Mexico!"

"Because they fought back!" Scalpel paused for a moment, then an idea seemed to come to him. He crawled down from Sam, ran to Megatron and climbed up to his acoustic sensor, where the Minicon whispered something.

Megatron nodded and put the Minicon down.

"Boy, I have a proposition for you." Megatron's powerful voice filled the room. His red optics fixed the tiny human in front of him. "We are going to play a game of chess. When I win, you give me your brain."

"And if I win?"

Megatron laughed. "That is impossible."

"Then you'll let me go, nice and peacefully, and leave me alone for the rest of my life."

Megatron made a throw-away motion with the servo. "Whatever."

"You leave Earth. None of your people will ever hurt another human being. You make peace with Optimus."

Megatron rolled annoyed with its optical sensors. "Whatever."

"You're taking me and my girlfriend to the movies. We'll do it in your driver's seat. You watch our kids, you buy them ice cream."

Mikaela shook her head.

"Your demands are becoming ridiculous. Do you accept or not?"

"Okay."

Megatron grimaced his faceplate.

From the top of the car, Mikaela cursed: "Are you nuts? He has a computer for a brain. He has calculated all the chess positions in advance."

"I know what I am doing."

"You can't even play chess!"

Megatron had a chessboard brought to him that was tiny and of human dimensions. With a tweezer grip of his powerful claws he moved the tiny pieces.

Okay, Mikaela was right. Sam made his moves quickly. He just knew the rules, but had no idea what he was doing.

"Oh, I heard a truck. It sounded like Optimus." Sam pointed to the warehouse window. Megatron raised his head and looked out. "No, that's some blue-red moron honking his horn at two worms standing in the roadway talking."

At that moment, Sam exchanged two pieces on the board, which gave him the opportunity to checkmate Megatron's king in the next move.

Megatron turned back and froze at the sight of the board. Silently, Sam prayed that Megatron would continue his calculations like a normal computer, as if nothing had happened. Or that the paradox was causing an error in his system and something else was happening.

Instead, Megatron growled angrily and hit the chessboard with his fist, causing the pieces to fly around and Sam to protect his face with his forearm.

At that moment Optimus Prime broke through the wall of the hall, shot Megatron twice and grabbed Sam, with whom he transformed and drove away.

Sam found himself in Optimus' driver's seat and took a deep breath of relief. "Good to see you, not a second too soon. What kept you away?"

"I was blocked in and had to wait for the old lady to move her car."

"Let me guess: And then there were two elderly gentlemen in the street, absorbed in conversation, who wouldn't let you pass."

"How do you know that?" Optimus raced off with Sam.


	3. Chapter 3

They did not get far. Optimus was just speeding through a forest when a group of Decepticons blocked his way. The path behind him was blocked by the approaching Megatron.

Optimus transformed and put Sam on the side. Then he turned to the Cons, who approached in a semicircle and folded out their weapons. "I will finish you alone. To get used to the time when all other Autobots are dead."

He threw himself into battle, but against the combined force of Megatron and four other battle machines, his one-man army was not enough.

At an inopportune moment, Megatron stabbed Optimus with a sword through the breastplate. Sam screamed in rage at the sight.

Indifferently, Megatron turned to face the boy while Optimus sank to the ground. "Stop whining, you worm, Prime is still alive." Theatrically, he pointed to Optimus. "There are forces out there that do not want Prime to die. Whether he fights one battle after the other for millions of years and sees his friends die is of no importance to these powers." He added: "You can throw him into a volcano and he will at best fall into stasis lock. But after the third time, it's no longer funny."

Starscream, who had enjoyed the show from a safe distance, came flying in and transformed. "Lord Megatron, more Autobots have landed on Earth. This means they don't count as endangered anymore. You can kill Optimus, no one will bother you for it."

"Uh ... No, not today."

Of the astonished looking Cons, Starscream asked the obvious question: "Why not?"

"Shut up, because I said so!"

Megatron lifted a servo to the acoustic sensor as if he was on a phone call. "Hello, worms. I'd like to report some alien activity. We'll bring you a specimen for examination. Enjoy." He made an imperative gesture. "Decepticons! Take him to the research lab behind the dam. And before you do, tie a nice bow around him."

Sam left. When the Cons started their pursuit, Megatron held them back and was not quite sure how to explain it.

Sam was running straight out of the woods onto the road when he stopped unexpectedly when a familiar yellow Camaro pulled up.

"Sam!" Mikaela jumped out of the car and gave Sam a fleeting hug in relief. The Camaro beeped a greeting.

"Mikaela." She was gone before he could return the hug. "Have you escaped Megatron?" He tossed Bumblebee a cursory greeting back.

"He let me go. You beat him at chess, remember? He says he stands true to his word."

In the excitement of the final minutes, his memory had slipped away completely. "Meaning he makes peace with the Autobots?"

"Well ... Your agreement didn't say WHEN it would happen."

"Oh. Shit."

"And also..."

Sam interrupted her with a hand movement. "Wait ..."

She waited and rolled her eyes over the interruption, just as she was about to tell him something important. As he stared into the air in front of him and watched something invisible, his face began to twitch.

When he regained consciousness half an hour later, he had covered the street dust with disreputable drawings. And some Cybertronic symbols.

Mikaela shook her head disapprovingly. "You really missed me VERY much."

"I told you: We were only doing homework. Alice wanted these very symbols." Sam looked at the signs, but they didn't tell him anything. "Bee, can you read this?"

The yellow Camaro rose transforming and Bumblebee shook his head and shrugged his shoulders after a quick glance at the ground. Shit, and Optimus wasn't available to ask him either.

"I have someone here who can help us." Mikaela took a dildo out of her bag. When she threw it on the floor it transformed into a knee-high mech with bright red optics, standing apart from each other like insect ones.

Sam stared with open mouth at the little Decepticon. "Did Megatron give him to you?"

"I found him in my bed," she replied unmoved.

"You cheat on me with a Decepticon?"

"Oh, now I'm the bad one. But if you do that, it's okay." Insulted she folded the arms in front of her chest.

"He doesn't even have muscles."

"Don't be so superficial."

Bumblebee peeped soothingly in between and the two of them remained silent.

Meanwhile, the little Con, whose name was Wheelie, looked at the symbols. "I can't read this, but I know someone who can."

They set off for the coordinates that little Con gave them. What could possibly go wrong?

A short time later, somewhere on the roof of a skyscraper, Megatron and Starscream met to discuss the situation. Actually, the leader of the Decepticons met to give orders and his second-in-command to make fun of the former. Such opportunities had to be taken.

"I heard you were beaten by a human in chess." Starscream grinned maliciously. "And I thought your miscalculation was only about trajectories."

Megatron clenched a fist. If there was anything in it, he would have squeezed the object to a black hole, so much effort was required for self-control. "Do you want me to beat you again until you turn red and blue? No, this time I won't let you provoke me, you pervert."

The tension eased surprisingly quickly. Megatron's ventilation system was working at full speed and was trained to cool his hot temper. "Have you found the solar reaper as I told you to?"

"No, I have not."

Megatron felt the anger growing within him again, but he still managed to control himself: "That was your task.

"Why do you always give me the tasks you are too incompetent to do and then call me incompetent when I fail?"

That was too much. Away with self-control.

On the street below, people wondered where the thunder came from when there was no cloud in the sky.

It was only a few years ago that Simmons, who was still working at Sector 7 at the time, demanded that these very symbols, found all over the world, carved in stone or smeared on walls, be analyzed. The photo of an Egyptian temple with the largest entrance they had ever seen, not to say Cybertronic in scale, was his biggest argument for them. They rejected it on the grounds that they were too insignificant. What they had failed to make clear to him was that they had already analyzed them.

Several thousand years ago, shortly after that temple was built, two Cybertronians found themselves in front of it. The Egyptians watched them at a respectful distance full of reverence, looked up at them. The humans whispered something to each other in their language that the Cybertronians did not understand. They did not even have records of their language. Only these little pictures that they painted all over the walls. What an underdeveloped species.

The Cybertronians wanted to change that. They giggled to themselves. One of them held an elongated device in his hand that burned dark markings in surfaces with a special radiation that exceeded the imagination of the natives.

"What shall I write, what shall I write?"

"How about just 'Optimus has stupid ears'? Oh wait, wait. How about 'He who reads this is dumb'?"

And they wrote it all over the walls laughing. People threw themselves to the ground and worshipped them reverently, thinking that the symbols were words of wisdom that would lead them to a golden future.

Wheelie led them to an airplane graveyard, where Bumblebee braked and transformed in a swirling cloud of dust. Mikaela and Sam got out and looked with awe at all the discarded planes parked on the gigantic asphalt field, neatly lined up.

"Unfortunately we have to get back in. He is standing there in the back. Too far to walk." Wheelie pointed into the distance.

"How do you know that?" Mikaela asked.

"How do you think? I pinged him. He's awaiting us."

As they approached, one of the planes transformed and rose to a darkly colored, rusty robot, which leaned stooped on its own undercarriage as a cane.

"Come on, you worms, I don't have forever. Well, I do, but you don't. What do you want from Jetfire?"

Sam stepped forward as the bravest. "I've got a lot of things on my mind. Cybertron signs and stuff. Can you read them, see if they mean anything that might help us?"

The boy picked up a stick and painted them in the sand beside the asphalt field just as he saw them. Well, first he drew a round of tic-tac-toe to get warm until the Cybertronic symbols appeared. They came and went as they pleased.

Jetfire bent over the doodles and adjusted some magnifying glasses in front of his optical sensors. Suddenly he laughed. "That's a good one, I haven't heard it yet."

"Stay on topic!"

Sam continued to paint in the hope that something useful would come along. Until Jetfire interrupted him: "There, there are the directions to the machine and the key to it. Wait, I'll take you there."

But instead of transforming, as Sam would have expected, suddenly there were violent flashes of lightning crackling around them and they were bathed in blinding light with a bang.

"That wasn't bad, was it?" Jetfire praised himself and looked around the red, rocky desert landscape where they were now. "I hope we're still on the right planet."

Then his gaze fell on Bumblebee, who in his robot mode waved fiercely for Jetfire's attention and pointed to the two little people who grabbed at their throats wheezing. Oops.

"Hang on, I'll fix that."

Again lightning flashed around, then Sam and Mikaela fell in yellow desert sand, struggling for breath.

"The rest you better walk. The coordinates seem to be out of date, so now you have to follow this vague description. Not that as humans you could do much with the coordinates." He translated the clues from the symbols for them. "It's safer by foot than if I bring you. For you, boy. And you, girl. And you, reader."

Shortly after Bumblebee and the two teenagers set off, slightly confused, a small metal falcon came along and dropped a data pad with a message into Jetfire's servos.

"What is it? A claim for damages?" Jetfire stared incredulously at the tiny writing. "For breaking the fourth wall. Ridiculous."

After attending at least one astronomy lesson, Sam thought he understood Jetfire's directions. "When the sun touches the dagger's tip, the three kings will reveal the entrance." The three kings must have meant the three stars from Orion's belt.

Ha ha ha, no. What nonsense.

In the middle of the desert, away from the usual tourist roads, they found a museum called "Tomb of the Primes". Literally. It was written in several languages on the signs next to the entrance.

Since they were on the road until the evening and the museum just closed, they had to wait until the next day. Around noon the sun rose so high that it seemed to touch the pointed tower of the museum, then three gentlemen dressed as kings stepped out to lead the visitors inside.

Sam could find no words for this surprise. It was simply incredible. Optimus had to see this. So he picked up his cell phone.

"Who are you calling?" Mikaela, just about to walk in, turned around to see where he was.

"Oh, the soldiers who were there in Mission City to beat up Decepticons. They liked it so much that they do it full time now."

The called man picked up the phone and introduced himself. Sam came straight to the point. "I need the body of Optimus Prime in Egypt."

Epps replied, "Can it wait till tomorrow? The testing hasn't been done yet."

"What kind of testing?"

"Well, when the guy started saying 'saw', I got sick and didn't ask."

That couldn't be true. Poor Optimus. They could do that to Megatron, but not to the leader of the Autobots. What would the audience think. "No, it can't wait."

"Okay, let me handle this. You know we always have the better argument."

"Yeah, the loaded ones." Sam hung up and they went to the museum.

With disbelieving amazement, the two youngsters looked at the exhibits. The museum lived up to its name - the main exhibits were the bodies of gigantic, alien robots, which formed the walls like a perverted version of the Sistine Chapel and whose limbs partially protruded into the rooms, metal claws reaching out to the visitors.

But other artifacts could also be found here. A replica of the Allspark - the sign claimed that it was the backup copy of an intergalactic insurance policy that was kept here, but who believed it. A metal rod with Celtic symbols on it. And an artifact that ended in two opposite, curved ends - the Matrix of Leadership.

Sam ignored the order of the people at the reception not to touch anything and took it off its pedestal. "Wow, the Matrix is glowing."

Mikaela slapped his hand away. "It's just the beam from above, you dumbass."

Still admiring the artifact, the Matrix suddenly crumbled in his hands and fell to the ground as blue-gray sand.

Sam stared at it in surprise. At that point, a female employee jumped up to him to look at the damage. "You've just destroyed a millennia-old artifact." Her eyes fell to the sand. "This is going to be expensive."

"Maybe you can glue it back together," Sam suggested, and reaped only a shake of the head.

Mikaela grabbed him by the sleeve. "Okay, the matrix is destroyed, the machine can no longer be activated, world saved. Let's go home."

"We can't. The soldiers have been waiting two years to kick the Deceptions' asses again." A flash of inspiration came to him. "The Decepticons don't know it's destroyed."

All right, to pay for the damage, he would go into deep debt and pay off the loan for the rest of his life, but that was nothing compared to the cost of studying. Anyway, since he had to pay for the Matrix anyway, they didn't mind that he took the handful of sand with him, at least they saved on cleaning.

He had a shoebox given to him for the sand that was big enough to contain the real Matrix and they left the museum.

Word of their presence had gotten around. Not only did they spot the soldiers who had brought Optimus Prime in the desert near the horizon, but a number of Decepticons arrived one by one and positioned themselves halfway between them.

"What are they doing here," Sam thought aloud and grabbed Mikaela's hand to pull her away with him.

"Uh, Sam?" Mikaela held him back. "You know, about your deal with Megatron. Well, that would be irresponsible to let him watch children, don't you think? Besides, who would want to do it in his driver's seat with him watching? You weren't serious, were you?"

Sam stared at her slightly speechless. "What are you talking about? Come on." She let him pull her forward.

And he got an idea. Sam pulled out his phone and was about to call Epps to tell him where they were and that they were on their way. At that moment, a fighter jet flew by, covered with alien tattoos. Instead of dialing the number, the phone made sounds that sounded kind of scary and then acted as if its battery was dead.

Well, so they had to walk.

Actually, Sam had planned to walk around the alien battle robots, and he was surprised that he couldn't hear the sound of gunfire when the soldiers were so keen to shoot a few holes into alien armor. But as they got closer, Sam discovered that they were not alone. Each of the Decepticons carried a human with them, which they held as a living shield in the direction of the soldiers.

The figure that Megatron held in front of him looked particularly familiar to Sam. Mikaela held a hand in front of her mouth in shock.

When they were close enough, the Decepticons noticed them and Megatron turned to Sam. In his servo, he held Judy close to his breastplate, ranting and raving. "Don't you touch my baby, you big pile of scrap metal!"

"Mom!" Sam shouted. "Megatron, what is the meaning of this?"

"This is your doing." Megatron made a gesture into the distance where the soldiers stood. "You demanded that none of my people harm a human. So to avoid ending up as living targets, we got ourselves some meat shields." Megatron bent over menacingly. "Withdraw from the demand, allow us to defend ourselves, and we will let the humans go."

Sam refrained from pointing out to Megatron that he had indeed painted a target in dark circles over the armor of his back. "Okay," Sam agreed. "I will allow you to defend yourselves."

No one moved. "And?", Megatron signaled for Sam to keep talking.

"Okay, you don't have to watch my kids, and we won't do it in your seat. but you make peace with the Autobots right now. Not in 10,000 years or something."

"I'll try to convince them as soon as I can." Megatron smiled suspiciously friendly. "Once they stop shooting at me. Agreed?"

Sam agreed. Megatron dropped Judy, who immediately ran to her son to hug him. From somewhere, Ron joined her. Megatron murmured softly to himself, "Ridiculous. I have been trying to do that since the beginning of the war."

From the side a Decepticon with a high head stepped in between. "And I want the Matrix, boy."

"It's just a box of dirt."

Sam broke free of the hug and opened the lid of the shoe box.

Fallen reached in. "You are not worthy." Sam was horrified to see the grains of sand in Fallen's hand reassembled back into the Matrix. "But I am. This is the key to the machine that will reap your sun."

"No ..."

"Yes," Megatron triumphed. "All you demanded was that we do not hurt people. Harvesting your sun does not violate the bargain."

Fallen did not fail to give a summary of his history like a good villain. "My brothers and I had agreed never to harvest a sun that nurtured organic life. Then they started to bring organics to asteroids to let them cough on them, to meet the criterion of life in the solar system. Since then, we have adapted the rule, sparing only intelligent life." He grinned. "And as you know, humans are not intelligent."

"No!" Sam yelled again, not knowing what to do.

At that moment, a yellow mail truck pulled up in the middle of the desert and stopped between them. The mailman got out and picked up a package from the back of the truck. "A delivery for Fallen. Please sign here."

Fallen signed in surprise when he hadn't ordered anything? When the post bus had left, he curiously shook the box. It ticked inside.

Megatron asked: "Um, you'd better not open that?"

"What should happen?" he asked back. "Only a Prime can defeat me." Too late, he discovered the tape with the inscription "Amazon Prime". The explosion tore the old master apart.

"No." Megatron was stunned and dramatically clenched the servo in mourning for the loss of his mentor.

Optimus spotted the target that Starscream had kindly painted on Megatron's back, raised his cannon, took aim and fired.

The bullet hit the Decepticon leader and ricocheted off in an explosion. Megatron himself stood motionless like a rock, then turned in slow motion to Optimus and raised an eyebrow.

Starscream rejoiced. "Oh, Megatron is shot. I am the new leader." Out loud, he said, "Decepticons, retreat!"

The Decepticons paused in their activities, but instead of retreating, they looked expectantly at Megatron. Who stood upright with his arms crossed. "We Decepticons never give up." Then he relaxed his arms and prepared to transform. "Tactical retreat is all right. Decepticons, takeoff."

It was only seconds before the desert was silent again, as if they had never been there.


End file.
